I do not lose anything and all talk of me doing so is just an inaccurate myth. I have just spent the whole week thinking I’d lost my phone and my freedom pass but I haven’t. They were right here all along!

So yeah all this shit my parents used to chat about “don’t lose your phone” is just shit coz actually I don’t ever lose anything.

I mean I draw sometimes. Once in primary school there was this fat halfcastmixedrace kid called whatever his fat name was and I was running round the playground or whatever and he came out of nowhere and basically ran me over coz hes a car and then I got actually concussed and couldnt remember bare playtime business but the head teacher didnt even realise the severity of exactly how bad this was. So then I went out and challenged the fat halfcastmixrace yout to a race. An actual race, across the playground. So anyways we race and he tries to cheat by grabbing at me so then we start again and I plainly win.

So whatever, basically I win shit all the time. WINNING! Yeah, I’m a winner baby. And anyways it’s obvious why I had a reputation for losing phones as a kid:

BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO BUY ME A NEW ONE NOW DUH!

So anyways peace out to all the peng lighties and chung ones too. Thanks. Bye.

P.S. Shout out my freedom pass

                                                +

= yummy

Buy my Dad’s book from https://www.e-junkie.com/ecom/gb.php?i=1084280&c=single&cl=209274 AND BUY THE BOOK NOW!

BOOM

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Izzy: I met Nikko around 3 years ago and I think he is an inspiration to the upcoming world. This boy will go places. GO TEAM NIKKO. XXX

Where I live there is a one-legged Irishman called Paddy who sits outside of the old furniture shop drinking brew. And there’s a gangster called Sam.

On Christmas Eve Sam got a second-hand pair of boltcutters and some wine from The Tooth Fairy; then he went to that old disused furniture shop, busted it open, and let Paddy The One-Legged Irishman in to sleep and shelter from the cold.

Then all the local tramps moved in and turned the old furniture shop into a new crackhouse. Then the police came and turned it back into an old furniture shop and Paddy went back to sitting on floor outside.

On New Year’s Eve Sam got a tent, a sleeping bag and some hash from The Ghost Of Christmas 1978. Then he went to the old abandoned pub and broke into the garden; made a small fire and set up his tent for Paddy to sleep in.

Every morning he takes that tent down and every night he puts it back up again.

Sam and Paddy are true friends.

it was obviously you adem er do u wanna have sessions in my hostel in uptown?

So November 2nd 2010 is when I went crazy and did some bad shit I can’t even remember and really regret. Back then people didn’t even know I was fucking crazy for real. 4 days ago it was the anniversary of that, so yeah, I think it’s only right I explain my actions.

So anyways I became obsessed by a man named Lamont Coleman AKA “The Big L”. Big L is a not-so-famous rapper who died in 1999 and went platinum after he died, and lived in Harlem USA and was like a father to rappers such as Mase, Fat Joe and Cam’Ron. All I know is that on November 1^st 2010 I sat in my room and listened to every Big L song and didn’t sleep and then started crying and mourning him and anybody who knows me knows that I can’t usually cry so that was a big thing. Anyway let me explain more about Big L coz understanding him is key to understanding why I went crazy that night.

Big L lived in Harlem. He was the Harlem pimp baby and he rapped and shot people and robbed people and smoked nestle and had unprotected sex with perfect tens every day until someone busted a cap in his arse in 1999.

Big L’s explosive fire tornado brand of rap is like a dick to the brain and is far too extreme for radio and TV that’s why you haven’t heard of him if you haven’t heard of him until now. Basically he’s cuter than Tupac and more gangster than Biggie and more AIDs than Old Dirty Bastard and Easy E and has more money than Big Pun and he is the best of all time. Rest In Peace all of them.

But yeah Big L and a young pretty rapper named Mase were like brothers and they ran a place called Harlem World. In New York there was Staten Island, The Bronx and Brooklyn but people were forgetting about how Manhattan Uptown truly was the place that ran things so Harlem World, Harlemville, Uptown Niggers had to come on into the game and show everybody that the nice part of town is really the place to be. Uptown forever. It’s not about beef or tryna be a thug or selling crack it’s about making as much money as possible, smoking as much nice skunk as possible and chilling with young versions of the Sex In The City women.

So naturally I relate to Big L alot.

And that’s why I cried on November the 1^st. And that’s why I flipped out on November the 2^nd and lost my mind.

Because Big L still just wasn’t getting the recognition he deserved and the exposure. So I snapped and went crazy.

But thankfully it’s all better now because they found some old Big L songs and digitally remastered them and released a new Big L album and The Big L Movie is coming out some time in 2012!!!!! WOO!

So remember remember the second of November and RIP Big L.

I start my day with a big bowl of these

then talk to DAD and his girl who’s an artist and is gonna do the storyboard for my film. Not that I’ve asked her yet.

Then I go to Brickie and knock for Saxton but he’s not in, or atleast he’s pretending not to be in. So I go to the high street and buy some English Mackerel coz DAD loves fish for dinner.

On the tube back I put my carrier bag on the seat next to me and some next Brazillian chick puts her handbag ON my carrier bag and sits with them in the middle of us, when there were loads of other seats available. Now I dunno about you but this is weird behaviour to me. I dunno, maybe the opinion of what is weird from a complete weirdo like me is incorrect but fuck it.

So anyways l8r in the day I’m rolling about lower Uptown in this standard hat

and a hoodie that says Basic on it. I get on the bus and start evesdropping on people’s conversations, as I usually do and I usually get paranoid and wonder if they are gossiping* about me. If you don’t know what gossip is, listen to this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryAJvs6PIEE

So anyways I turn around and sat in the two seats behind me are THREE HOT JAPANESE GIRLS, looking at their one phone and giggling alot. I smile. Then I’m just like :O

I think about chatting them up but… lol, you know I don’t even think about chatting them up I just get off the bus and expect them to follow.

I get off the bus. They didn’t, but some next older women did and gets in my way to check the bus times.

Obviously I regret the fact that I’m such a socially handicapped retard I can’t chat up three girls in a different language at the same time.

So anyways, I get home, take off my hat and remember that my hair is short now. That stupid African barber gave me the botchiest hairstyle he could… he’s not the first one.

w/e

I like my hat times. Atleast I’m not wearing a Nu Era or Snapback or w/e

Signing out,

Nikkō

x

http://soundcloud.com/piffgang/sets/piff-breaks-808s

Just coz Monsta Under The Bed’s girlfriend is Eliza Doolittle

doesn’t mean he makes good rap music. Piff Gang’s debut album receives 10 out of 10 from my manager, Alex Saxton. Which means it’s actually a 0/10 for anyone who doesn’t like male penis in their mouth.

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On behalf of my manager, Alex Saxton, I’d like to apologies for a criminal matter regarding the Please Try To Not Erectile Dysfunction Rap Battle League 

See at last Saturday’s Rap Battle event, whilst I myself was completely distracted in the toilet milking my massively oversized testicles, one Alex Saxton took the DJ’s laptop and put it in my rucksack then ran away with it. What this essentially surmounts to is theft and Alex Saxton’s motives for his actions remain a mystery, as he is a filthy rich jew who already owns 5 laptops, 44 macbooks and one of these

I digress. The point is I eventually convinced Alex Saxton to return the stolen item because anyway there were 3 CCTV cameras staring at the laptop… not that that was the reason. The reason is because I’m a good upstanding citizen now who solves crimes and helps people. Yes I’d even go as far as saying I’m a vigilante.

Yes you can call me a snitch if you want to coz that’s my superpower. Look I’m even snitching on my own manager. I’d even snitch on my own family. I find crimes and report them, that’s how dedicated I am to this it’s not a phase. But don’t worry, you can be like me too, all you have to do is blab every piece of information that you know and be a complete and utter snitch. Fuck Cam’Ron! Fuck Dipset! I snitch, so what. And for anyone who would like to make a confession please do and I can help you clear your conscience.

x

SCARLET

What I got: Handjob

BELINDA

What I got: Blowjob

SULEKA

What I got: Fingered her

JESS FELICITY

What I got: Nothing

FUCK THABO!!!!!!!!!!!!

This guy, living his dream. Came to my house, blazed a zoot with the kid and then filmed a video for GirlsLookAtMeAndTheyThinkSex and then just said he lost the footage.

wtf no

Fuck Sumeria.

Fuck The Mayan Calendar.

Fuck Egypt.

Fuck Astrology.

Fuck Aliens and fuck the other side.

It’s me.

Nikko.

x